“What do you do for control?
What is your control language?
As a companion to love languages, we should learn to identify and communicate how we find agency in our lives and relationships.
I find they can be the same as or opposite to giving or receiving the 5 love languages. Inversely, things that seem like means of control can in fact be expressions of Love, such as being critical. Probably each element is usually present in each act, as expressions of pure love seem rare amidst an imperfect society.
Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Physical Touch and Gifts can all be means of control.
Some people get it by saying No, some by refusing to hear no, some by treating you like a sounding board, some by breaking rules, by taking other kids toys, by making people wait, by spending, by aesthetic, by cleaning, by using, by sleeping, by scapegoating. Much of what we do has an element of control. It’s present in our collective boundary issues.
And yet we rarely talk about it.
We “don’t want to be controlling”
But we are.
However you gain control in life, make sure you work on knowing what it is and that you don’t get it by taking it from others (without their consenting to catharsis in losing it safely) or borrowing it against yourself irresponsibly.
Without knowing and taking responsibility for these things, we end up inadvertently doing harm, which I believe none of us truly wants to do.
(Luv yew xoxo)”
-X
Solve for x 
Leave a comment