Pariah Ship

“it would be easier if they were dead, I suppose.
i said easier, i didn’t say better.

they really did love me, once.
it was never anything like how i love them now, but, it was real, i know that. (i would not wish upon anyone what is has taken for me to love them as I do now.)
before they were led to believing everything about me meant something else, it was real. beneath the forgeries and the delusions they induce, it’s still real. they still let me speak despite what they think of me. they love me so much they still love me while believing i’m something completely different. they remember the beginning, when they saw me, and they cling to her memory through the nightmares made in my image.

it would be easier.
knowing there would be nothing i could do to make them see.
knowing they were free.
nothing left to do.
nothing left to fight for.

god, i mourn this heartache.
i never imagined such purpose.”

-X