Victim Cards are Dealt, not Drawn

“Letting go of a “Victim’s Mindset” feels like ceding to the enemy – that which begot much of my victimization in the first place. Then again, much of the rest of my victimization was in my stubbornesss – that I was/am a victim.

What is healthy acceptance and what is stockholm syndrome and dissociation?

I suppose the point for me is that I don’t have power to spare on despair anymore – on the past, on the demons. I can’t change what happened or undo what it did. I can’t make it give back what it cost me.

What I can control, the only thing, if I try my very best, is me. Me, now. Moving forward onto the next.

I’ve gotten so used to being subjected to what moves me that I lost grasp of the fact that it was me. I have been my greatest punisher. Punishing myself in continuation of how I had been punished. It stands to reason that letting go of my victimization is foremost an act of self-forgiveness, absolution.

I fear to say it for how it might be used against me but I have taught myself that everything can be vulnerable to misuse. I can’t let it continue to guide me into misusing myself.

I have been victim and captor – and in integrating these realizations of self, perhaps I can be free of both.”

X’s thoughts raced the roads of each rational she thought might be her saviour. Turns out freedom from mental slavery relied on more than the thoughts of the enslaved. The psychosomatic was born from physical realities, as well it does create them – a middleman for the mind meddlers and melders, a way to launder their violence.