X shuffled through her aged attempt to reach out for help through the ineffable, and furthermore inconceivable. Her body shook with fear for her past self and how crazy she would have sounded while trying desperately to simultaneously fathom and express that which had been designed to elude both. She didn’t necessarily believe all of the same things in the same ways as she did back then, though even after so much time and discouragement, she stood by most of her contentions, albeit more meekly and privately. X nevertheless maintained that the fact that she had found reason to think and write in such ways, and how she came to do so, were important pieces of the puzzle.
“Hi, This is me earnestly reaching out… in need but without expectation.
If I could find a communicable way to quick transfer the truth, i think you would hope for me to try as hard as I could to find a destigmatized way to say V2K, TI, gangstalking, tech facilitated psychological torture, information warfare… but i am f*cking exhausted by an arduous odyssey of reunions of trying and failingat that only to fall all parties lower on spoons anf further off the track.”
Another addressed to her long lost companion, Thistle Otter, would never be sent,
“I want you to know that I don’t certainly know what I did to make you so cross with me. I hate not understanding. I imagine that my breakdown & unfiltered careless expression of pain came at a poor time. I want you to know that I feel deep regret and have missed your friendship dearly. I am sorry for however I affected you with my attempts to wail on babel with such poor timing. I am not proud of my loss of control and incapacity to extend premeditated empathy beyond my overwhelm.
I’ve been working on it and have improved, although it often seems my improvements are only just enough to keep me seeming the same in stronger currents. I’ve been through too much for too long and seem unable to manage much in terms of small talk or any kind of appeasement to the idea of a giant; though based on a real person, quite mythical to the original form”
She’d been alone with her words so long at that time, that they were then even esoteric to herself now. The memory loss and social disconnection of the trauma eclipsed all understanding.
She had left another letter for Thistle Otter at a Vernon music shop, but as far as she could remember, that one mentioned Nazis and was even less likely to land, though it broke her heart.
Another unsent attempt read,
“Hello Old Friend
I come to you during the strangest saga I’ve ever even conceived of experiencing… certainly a more exciting & futuristic one than I imagined… or even thought possible in real life though I suppose I had the specific knowledge that it was possible. I just never imagined it in real life… or my life. Tech facilitated psychological torture and nefarious Algorythms designed so that even the very most deceitful could confabulate better and deny more plausibly…
collaborate on degenerative abuse tactics with more exponential growth & reproduction, more potential to enlist those who would be unwilling but are coerced by their own motivations being exploited, edited into the picture in post and used against them.
Much of surviving and piecing together this story, which seems as good as unbelievable, if only it weren’t provably true… that someone as sub-civilian as myself would be worth the resources, time, teamwork & attention many imagine it must take to put me through however many years of the most sophisticated, mortifying and elaborate abuse I have ever heard, in a chronic microdose fashion.
I know that if I could make you see it, you would do as much as you could to help stop it.
I just don’t know how to inspire anyone to trust in a tale I haven’t been able to tell but in scraps of intrusive memory… my attempts so far seem unprecedented beyond undecided psychosis… I don’t feel that I’m supposed to try so much as stay flow through the surge.
A couple quick requests before we speak.
Please play along as the need is assuredly real for me, and if you manage to share my belief that it is also real for you & all the other humans who have not yet knowingly seen or experienced proof, then you will come to understand the need & benefit of taking unique precautions to our interactions..
1. No need to put on a show but please refrain from publicly or clearly audibly expressing trust, openness or fondness toward me. I hope for your genuine response to be an honest one albeit covert.
-Act like paranoia were a valid response, as though the room were tapped
2. However this goes, I should exaggerate indications of rejection & duress… not to make a scene but enough to feel as though would be voyuers and accidental onlookers cannot calculate my state
3. If you think I am a liar, we should stop now. I have very limited capacity with maximum demand. I would seek to heal your understanding of my character to that extent some other day. Today is about function, necessity, & an attempt to say hello beyond the looking glass.
Do not humour me for guilt. Choose what you think & feel. I don’t want allies who feel guilted into a choice they don’t feel right about. That is a handlers tactic that plans obsolescence and drowns in the rain.
4. Weaponized energy is real. You should know that and consider signal accessibility if we spend more than 1 hour together
5. There will be distractions, oh yes.
…”
She could only imagine what might have happened had anyone considered her in earnest,
“Hello.
I am a free range human trafficking victim, as I have been, unbeknownst to myself or anyone but my handlers, for my whole life.
This discovery has resulted in my being held under an exploited Mental Health Act in Vancouver General Hospital without access to a private phone or Internet.
I have been subjected to an underrepresented form of torture which employs technology to monitor and socially engineer or “influence” it’s victims and the surrounding confluent cultures.
I cannot safely explain over phone or email.
Please send help as soon as possible.
My being delivered from this allotment in life would allow for me to use my story to help – which is why extensive measures have been made to ensure help & I don’t find each other…
Please help anyway.
This is much bigger than me, or than the discretion of whoever reads this.
Really you could even just offer me work and I could save myself from the financial aspect of my coerced circumstances.
May God save us all
<3″
X really had believed someone, somewhere, somehow, would understand her. Since most of her letters never sent and of those that did which she received response to, handwritten in terrorized script, failed miserably for any number of reasons stacked against her.
“Taking power in that you named it
Don’t make it a thing that you know
All the words in this whole wide world
Can’t contain what that creature holds.”
Solve for x 
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