Unsent from Obscurity

“I don’t do this so you’ll like me.
I do it because I still feel like death is imminent.
After that long of living this pain
The feeling doesn’t just go away.
This is a long list of last words
So after I’m gone *maybe* someone will say
“Oh, that’s what she meant”
And wish they’d known
Soon enough to hit save
from the things they didn’t think matched time caste face or tone.

I. am. terrified. I. will. live. a. long. life. this. way.”

“Don’t do unto me to get a damned thing,

Playing nice is just another scheme,

You want the sweetness get the good with the salt

It’s just a flavour,

Not a matter of fault.”

-X reflected on the facts that people raised in this tradition of abuse thought of death often, and that it was inlayed making insecure the foundations of the lives they were reduced to. When you don’t expect to live long, you don’t live like you’re going to live long, and often, don’t live very long. It seemed that to outlive this side of the legacy could be a fate worse than death, another of her own hypotheses which she hoped to disprove.