Poetry, for legal purposes.
X sat writing alone in her ocean view cabin in the time just before she would come to know this place as a control room. She tossed the pen in her hand across the chest, yet another where the ink quickly seized on her words, as though her fervour were magnetizing enough to make a stopper of the ball point. She couldn’t figure out why everything she did seemed so cursed, right down to her attempts to write about it. Months of scrap notes, poems and letters in cursive later found her reviewing the work of herself in altering states seemed to read as though by alternate people.
She recognized at times that she had the trademark script of a loon. Her esoteric shorthand in shaky dramatic unruly font read from her best guesses of most outside perspectives was certainly that of a crazy person. Her thoughts grew more disturbed as she realized that her own writing was just downright unbelievable, that she learned this connotation from a world that had learned it through a complex compounding misunderstanding that the writing of a person who was in fact in terror, was that of an invalid to be disregarded and spurned.
X became convinced that her handwriting held some untouched secrets as to the truths of her case, her life, her. She recalled old crime thrillers where the killer could be telegraphed by their penmanship; the date, the setting, the mood, the meaning. She thought that here too could such an expert determine the difference which she so repeatedly failed to prove to anyone else – the distinction between a person in psychosis and that of a person in crisis, if such a distinction certainly exists at all. She imagined more distinctions that such a study could determine at the idea stewed in her slow-cooking mind.
Beyond the graphology, the linguistics presented their own strange case. Like she was working pitch angles with every attempt to say the impossible and necessary. She believed that if anyone ever learned to look through her lense of language, they would find evidence of the truth of her through the heuristic illusions.
Solve for x 